oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Even the bartender felt bad for me
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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