I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
