The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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