he was CRYING into my vagina
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
