I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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