Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
