If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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