Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
