I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
