I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
