I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
