I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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