probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
