3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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