do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
