Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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