I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Drunk is not a location!
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
