I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
