I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
