So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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