Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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