Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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