dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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