Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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