My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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