i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
