just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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