Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
