Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
