I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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