dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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