Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
