did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Randomize
