There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
