The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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