Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
