The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
