i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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