He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
