apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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