i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
