And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
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