Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
