even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
where are my pants?
in the oven.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
