whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
