I think im going to throw up on grandma
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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