smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
