Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
