he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
