guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
