My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
