Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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