Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
