FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i just google imaged poop.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
