I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
