hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
