do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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