I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
