eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
