Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
