Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
